module Rantly::Silly::Love
Public Instance Methods
address()
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# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 24 def address "my #{extremifier} #{pedestal_label}" end
caused_by()
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# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 64 def caused_by; end
double_plus_good()
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# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 36 def double_plus_good choose 'holy', 'shiny', 'glittering', 'joyous', 'delicious' end
extremifier()
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# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 28 def extremifier choose 'most', 'ultimate', 'unbelievable', 'incredible', 'burning' end
fantasy()
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# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 90 def fantasy freq \ proc { make = choose 'raise', 'nurture', 'bring into the world' babies = choose 'brood of babies', "#{double_plus_good} angels" good = double_plus_good effect = choose "the world becomes all the more #{good}", "we may at the end of our lives rest in #{good} peace.", "you, my #{pedestal_label}, would continue to live." "we would #{make} #{babies}, so #{effect}." }, proc { do_thing = choose('kiss', 'hug', 'read poetry to each other', 'massage', "whisper empty nothings into each others' ears", 'be with each other, and oblivious to the entire world') affect = choose 'joy', 'mindfulness', 'calm', 'sanctity' "we would #{do_thing} with #{double_plus_good} #{affect}" } end
fragment()
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# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 59 def fragment fun = fantasy choose "i hope to god #{fun}", "i believe #{fun}", "i will that #{fun}" end
groveler()
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# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 78 def groveler choose 'slave', 'servant', 'captive', 'lapdog' end
how_i_feel()
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# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 40 def how_i_feel choose 'my heart aches', 'my spine pines', 'my spirit wanders and wonders', 'my soul is awed', 'my loin burns' end
humbleizer()
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# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 74 def humbleizer choose 'undeserving', 'insignificant', 'unremarkable', 'fearful', 'menial' end
i_am_stalking_you()
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# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 86 def i_am_stalking_you "every #{time_duration} i #{stalk_action}" end
letter(n = 3)
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# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 11 def letter(n = 3) body = array(n) { paragraph }.join "\n\n" <<~EOS #{address}: #{body} #{sign} #{post_script} EOS end
paragraph()
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# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 44 def paragraph array(range(2, 4)) { sentence }.join ' ' end
pedestal_label()
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# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 32 def pedestal_label choose 'beloved', 'desire', 'dove', 'virgin goddess', 'existential solution', 'lighthouse', 'beacon', 'holy mother', 'queen', 'mistress' end
post_script()
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# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 82 def post_script "ps: #{i_am_stalking_you}, and hope that #{fantasy}" end
sentence()
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# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 48 def sentence freq \ proc { "when #{how_i_feel}, my #{pedestal_label}, i feel the need to #{stalk_action},"\ "but this is not because #{how_i_feel}, but rather a symptom of my being your #{whoami}." }, proc { "because you are my #{pedestal_label}, and i am your #{whoami}, no, rather your #{whoami}, #{fragment}." }, proc { "do not think that saying '#{how_i_feel}' suffices to show the depth of how #{how_i_feel}, because more than that, #{fantasy}" }, proc { "as a #{whoami}, that #{how_i_feel} is never quite enough for you, my #{double_plus_good} #{pedestal_label}." } end
sign()
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# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 70 def sign "your #{whoami}" end
stalk_action()
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# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 109 def stalk_action choose 'think of you', 'dream of us together', 'look at your picture and sigh' end
time_duration()
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# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 113 def time_duration choose 'once in a while', 'night', 'day', 'hour', 'minute' end
whoami()
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# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 66 def whoami "#{extremifier} #{humbleizer} #{groveler}" end