module Rantly::Silly::Love

Public Instance Methods

address() click to toggle source
# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 25
def address
  "my #{extremifier} #{pedestal_label}"
end
caused_by() click to toggle source
# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 62
def caused_by
end
double_plus_good() click to toggle source
# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 37
def double_plus_good
  choose "holy","shiny","glittering","joyous","delicious"
end
extremifier() click to toggle source
# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 29
def extremifier
  choose "most","ultimate","unbelievable","incredible","burning"
end
fantasy() click to toggle source
# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 89
def fantasy
  freq \
  Proc.new {
    make = choose "raise","nurture","bring into the world"
    babies = choose "brood of babies","#{double_plus_good} angels"
    good = double_plus_good
    effect = choose "the world becomes all the more #{good}",
                    "we may at the end of our lives rest in #{good} peace.",
                    "you, my #{pedestal_label}, would continue to live."
    "we would #{make} #{babies}, so #{effect}."
  },
  Proc.new {
    do_thing = choose "kiss","hug","read poetry to each other","massage","whisper empty nothings into each others' ears","be with each other, and oblivious to the entire world"
    affect = choose "joy", "mindfulness", "calm", "sanctity"
    "we would #{do_thing} with #{double_plus_good} #{affect}"
  }
end
fragment() click to toggle source
# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 57
def fragment
  fun = fantasy
  choose "i hope to god #{fun}", "i believe #{fun}", "i will that #{fun}"
end
groveler() click to toggle source
# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 77
def groveler
  choose "slave","servant","captive","lapdog"
end
how_i_feel() click to toggle source
# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 41
def how_i_feel
  choose "my heart aches","my spine pines","my spirit wanders and wonders","my soul is awed","my loin burns"
end
humbleizer() click to toggle source
# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 73
def humbleizer
  choose "undeserving","insignificant","unremarkable","fearful","menial"
end
i_am_stalking_you() click to toggle source
# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 85
def i_am_stalking_you
  "every #{time_duration} i #{stalk_action}"
end
letter(n=3) click to toggle source
# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 12
  def letter(n=3)
    body = array(n){paragraph}.join "\n\n"
    <<-EOS
#{address}:

#{body}

#{sign}

#{post_script}
EOS
  end
paragraph() click to toggle source
# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 45
def paragraph
  array(range(2,4)){ sentence}.join " "
end
pedestal_label() click to toggle source
# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 33
def pedestal_label
  choose "beloved","desire","dove","virgin goddess","existential solution","lighthouse","beacon","holy mother","queen","mistress"
end
post_script() click to toggle source
# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 81
def post_script
  "ps: #{i_am_stalking_you}, and hope that #{fantasy}"
end
sentence() click to toggle source
# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 49
def sentence
  freq \
  Proc.new { "when #{how_i_feel}, my #{pedestal_label}, i feel the need to #{stalk_action}, but this is not because #{how_i_feel}, but rather a symptom of my being your #{whoami}." },
  Proc.new { "because you are my #{pedestal_label}, and i am your #{whoami}, no, rather your #{whoami}, #{fragment}."},
  Proc.new { "do not think that saying '#{how_i_feel}' suffices to show the depth of how #{how_i_feel}, because more than that, #{fantasy}"},
  Proc.new { "as a #{whoami}, that #{how_i_feel} is never quite enough for you, my #{double_plus_good} #{pedestal_label}."}
end
sign() click to toggle source
# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 69
def sign
  "your #{whoami}"
end
stalk_action() click to toggle source
# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 107
def stalk_action
  choose "think of you","dream of us together","look at your picture and sigh"
end
time_duration() click to toggle source
# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 111
def time_duration
  choose "once in a while","night","day","hour","minute"
end
whoami() click to toggle source
# File lib/rantly/silly.rb, line 65
def whoami
  "#{extremifier} #{humbleizer} #{groveler}"
end